Don't Begrudge the Generosity of God

I love when I see the Lord's generosity towards me, in the big or little things. Whether it be my job, a friend to talk to, a beautiful sunrise or a verse that reminds of the glories of Christ, God has been so gracious towards me. And He has done so solely because of who He is, and not because of who I am. This should leave me humbled and grateful. I am usually grateful; humbled...well, not so much.

I know this because when I see His generosity in the lives of others, my response is not usually one of joy for them - it's one of jealousy. I see what He has given them, and rather than celebrating His generosity, my response is usually, "Why not me, Lord?" Usually, I follow up that question by listing all of the reasons that I deserve His generosity in that area more than they do.

My heart is so easily deceived. Though I know that the gospel declares my brokenness apart from Christ, I often practically convince myself that I have something to offer God. But the truth is simple: I don't. He has been so good to me. And He has so good to all of His children. I don't need to begrudge God His generosity - there is more than enough to go around. In His infinite wisdom, He always gives us exactly what we need. It is in this knowledge that I can begin to see His generosity towards my brothers and sisters as a joyful truth rather than a frustrating discouragement.

It Depend on His Faithfulness

From Mark Talbot in For the Fame of God's Name, commenting on friends whose grief has overwhelmed their joy in the Lord:

I...know that their faith and their ultimate happiness do not depend on whether God is right now being glorified in them. Their future with God does not depend on their manifesting right now their complete and total satisfaction in Him, nor does it depend on their obedience, nor even on their being able to acknowledge God's goodness. It depends only on God's continued faithfulness to them. 

Celebrating Growth

In high school, I competed in speech and debate. This past weekend, the league that I competed with hosted a tournament here in San Diego, and I was able to go and judge some rounds, support my siblings and catch up with old friends, many of whom I haven't seen in a year or two. It was such an encouragement to be reminded of how those friendships have blessed me over the years.

One of my favorite parts of catching up with old friends, though, was seeing how God has been changing and growing them in the years since we graduated. One friend who I have know for nearly ten years has always been rather exclusive and had very strong opinions about who he likes and who he doesn't. All of the sudden, God has grown in him a heart to notice, include and welcome others. Another friend is finishing her TESL certificate so that she can head to Europe this summer to serve with a missionary family there for several years. Others have just been changed in quiet and yet beautiful and God-glorifying ways.

I think that is one of the only things I like about being so far apart from these friends - when we are finally together again, I get to see the distinct changes and growth that have occurred, changes that I would likely have missed noticing if we saw each other more often.

It was also encouraging to remember that just as God is faithfully sanctifying these friends, he is sanctifying me and the friends who I do spend a lot of time with. It's easy to become discouraged or frustrated when we don't see progress as quickly as we want to, but these past few days have reminded me to look for and celebrate His work, because He is faithfully bringing to completion the work that He began.

Welcoming 2013

It's on days like today that my words always seem to fail me. I want to have something profound and thought-provoking to share. The truth is that I just don't, not today at least. I am excited for the year to come. I know that there are many changes that I am not anticipating, some of which I probably won't like.

But I also know that each year has always ended with me looking back and seeing the goodness of the Lord once again. He has promised to bring to completion the work that He has begun (Phil. 1:6), and so for that reason each new year is a reminder of His faithfulness, that He has not left us alone.

He has promised to withhold no good thing from those who love Him (Psalm 84:11), and so each new year is a reminder to look ahead to the good things to come, things that are good not because they are easy, but because they are from the hand of our loving Father.

He has promised that He is coming once again (Acts 1:11), and so each new year is a glorious thing, as it brings us that much closer to His return.

He reigns (Psalm 146:10)! This makes each year full of hope, hope found in knowing that what is going to occur is not due to chance, but to the sovereign hand of the righteous Lord.

It's easy to dread what is to come, or at least to anxiously anticipate it. But our hope is rests on a solid foundation. And because of that foundation, each passing and coming year provides reasons for our hearts to praise His glorious name. May our prayer in 2013 ever be, "Come quickly, Lord Jesus, and may Your name alone be glorified."

"To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood, and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father—to him be glory and power for ever and ever! Amen." - Rev. 1:6

Redeeming the Time

Sorry for the quiet week. There have just been other activities that have taken precedent over blogging this week, and I'm quite alright with that arrangement.

After reading this article from Desiring God last week about making the most of my commute, I decided to work on memorizing some of 1 Peter 1 while I was driving to and from work each day. Memorization has always been an activity that has blessed me greatly, but I am terrible at setting aside focused time to actually do it. So I loaded an audio version of 1 Peter 1 onto my iPod and began Monday morning.

Well, it turns out that 40 minutes goes a long way toward memorization! I have really been missing out on valuable time each day. On top of that, it has been so encouraging to spend that much time reflecting on the Word of God. It made me wonder what other time I have been missing.

There are so many things I want to do - read more books, spend more time building relationships with people, pray more, run more, craft more...the list goes on. But now that I am working full time, for the first time in my life I don't feel like I have enough time to accomplish everything. And really, I probably don't. I only have a certain number of hours that aren't taken up with work and sleep. However, this week has made me realize that I probably have more time available than I think I do.

I have seen fruit this week from just redeeming the time spent in my commute. What would happen if I began to redeem the time in the morning while I get ready for my day? Or the time that I walk with co-workers on my lunch break? Or the time spent cooking dinner? It's not that those activities are bad - they aren't. Actually, most of them are necessary and beneficial. But my desire shouldn't be to just avoid sin as I live, but to make the best possible use of my time. Is my time spent cooking dinner only spent cooking dinner, or am I using that time to love my roommates by listening and talking with them while I cook dinner?

Don't get me wrong - I believe that God can be glorified in all of our living; our activities don't have to be "spiritual" in order to honor Him. But I also don't want to miss out on opportunities to make the most of the time that He has given to me.

Remembering

November 15 was eleven days ago. And I realized this week that, sadly, this was the first time in 5 years that it had not been a day of great meaning for me.

Five years ago, on November 15, my family got a phone call. It was a Thursday afternoon at about one o'clock, and the debate practice tournament was that Saturday. I can still picture exactly where I was sitting (in the loft) and what I was doing (putting all of our printed evidence into my binder).

My mom was sitting by the computer, and answered the phone, like usual. It seemed like a normal conversation, until I heard her say, "Yes, I'm sitting down." That's when I began to wonder. And worry. I don't remember the rest of what was said, but I do remember exactly what my mom said when she hung up. "I have cancer." Those were devastating, life-changing, scary words.

I knew that those words should have made me cry, and made me scared. But they didn't. All the adrenaline that comes with preparing for a tournament stopped those words from impacting me the way they should have. That is, until Sunday morning, after the tournament adrenaline had worn off.

That's when the full weight of what was happening really struck me. I have such vivid memories about that Sunday, even down to what song we sang for choir, and how it seemed perfect for my situation:

In prisoner's chains, with bleeding stripes,

Paul and Silas prayed that night,

And in their pain, began to sing.

Their chains were loosed, and they were free. 

'I bless Your name. I bless Your name.

I give You honor, give You praise.

You are the Life, the Truth, the Way,

I bless Your name. I bless Your name.' 

Some midnight hour if you should find

You're in a prison in your mind

Reach out and praise,

Defy those chains

And they will fall in Jesus' name.

 I remember sobbing during worship that morning, and then sobbing some more alone in our bedroom that afternoon, questioning the Lord and His purposes. Didn't He know that I needed my mom? I dug into Scripture that day like I have at no other time. And then something changed. Hope came into view. I will never forget the power that Psalm 18 had that day:

"You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop ; with my God I can scale a wall...For who is God besides the LORD ? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect."

It's been five years, and other than that one day where hopelessness reigned, all I can remember is God's goodness.

His goodness when I could no longer stand.

His goodness when the storm raged.

His goodness when it was all I could do to face another day.

His goodness to provide exactly what I needed when I needed it.

The cancer is, by His grace, gone for now, and has been for four years. What remains is memories of who God is and the great things He has done. My mom's journey through cancer was a time when I knew the goodness of God in the most powerful of ways. It was not easy, but it is a time that I look back towards with great joy because I was so desperate to know the truth of Jesus. And He was so very sweet.

For that reason, I am sad that I did not remember November 15 this year. That day has always been one of the biggest reminders of His faithfulness and grace. It is a good thing to raise our ebenezer, to remember that it was He who has helped us thus far and it is He who will bring us safely home.

May we always remember His goodness to us! If He loved us, rebels against Him in every way, enough to give His own son to die in our place, how can we not trust Him through the pain? Trials will come in this broken world, but in the storm, let us seek His goodness, His grace and His strength.

We will find Him faithful.

And may His faithfulness bring us to our knees in worship.

Remember How It Ends

It's easy to forget that what we are experiencing right now is not indicative of what is to come on that day when our precious Lord will make all things, all things, new.

Though we do not know see Him, we love Him and rejoice with a joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of our faith, the salvation of our souls. (1 Peter 1:8-9)

By His work, in His grace and for His glory, we look forward to how it ends.

Quiet

I love to be moving. The adrenaline that a busy day brings is one of my favorite feelings. And now that I'm working full-time, I find it easier and easier to be constantly busy. I only really have extra time on my lunch break and evenings during the week, and those fill up very quickly. But lately I've been reaching Sunday afternoons (usually my one quiet stretch of alone time during the week) and realizing that I have forgotten how to not be busy.

I've forgotten the simple joy of reading in a hammock, of vacuuming the living room and washing dishes, of practicing piano and learning new songs, of simply sitting outside and enjoying a beautiful afternoon. I have lost the joy that I once knew in simply being quiet before the Lord.

But I've been realizing over this past week how necessary those times of quiet are for me. I am not introverted, at least not in the fullest sense of the word, but the times in life when I feel the most confident in my relationship with the Lord (both in who He is and what He has completed) and when I feel most refreshed are the times when I have space in my life to just...be.

Not just times in Scripture and prayer...those (usually) happen whether quiet is there or not, but time to reflect and process all that has been happening, which usually doesn't happen during one specific activity, but during a specific type of activity - one where my mind can wander. During those times, I am most aware of where my heart is with the Lord and can take the necessary steps to make everything right.

Intentionality is becoming more and more important in my life - I have to make time for what I truly care about, since time just doesn't happen as naturally as it used to. And just like so many other things that I love, time to be quiet is essential for my spiritual health, so if you'll excuse me...

Go Farther On

Oh my brother, are you weary

Of the roughness by the way?

Does your strength begin to fail you

and your vigor to decay? 

Farther on, still go farther!

Count the milestones one by one.

Jesus will forsake you never - 

It is better farther on.

I've never been a big hiker - my family doesn't tend to take "active" vacations. We do a lot of sightseeing, but hiking and camping have never made that list. So while I was Hawaii, I went on more hikes in one week than I have gone on in my entire life. One of the hikes was particularly difficult - 8 miles round trip, with lots of hills and rocks to climb; the trail also crossed the river about 6 times (I didn't step in once - I'm pretty proud of that, since I'm not known for my balance). The last 2 miles were brutal. By that time it was noon, most of the trail was in direct sunlight and it seemed like we were walking uphill for a lot longer than we had walked downhill on the way in. It was all I could do to put one foot in front of the other, as beautiful as it was and as much as I was enjoying myself, it was hard.

I'm not particularly athletic. Actually, I'm not athletic at all. As a result, I haven't really pushed past my limits very often. Once we finally made it over the top of the hill and starting heading down toward our car, the song that I shared above came to mind. I felt weary, and the path was rough. My initial energy was most certainly gone. But there was no choice but to go farther on.

I'm quick to give up when something doesn't seem easy. I like to be comfortable and I don't like denying my desires. But the hike was such a vivid example of what perseverance looks like. It isn't easy; it isn't comfortable. It is painful, but it leads to beautiful things. And it turns out, even when it feels like there is no possible way to pick up my foot and take another step, I can do it anyway. 

It's easy to sell ourselves short. It's easy to give up when the going gets tough. But may we be a people whose lives are marked by perseverance, not because it is easy, but because we are hidden with Christ and that is worth all of the pain in the world. It isn't a blind perseverance, for we are not a people without a sure hope. Indeed, we have a living hope of an inheritance in Christ that can never be taken away (1 Peter 1:3-5). Jesus will never forsake us and it is better, so much better, farther on. 

He Completes the Work

That's how it goes - He completes it. Not me. His timing - not mine - is perfect. So frustrated today by how far I still have to go. So overwhelmed by the sin that I see. Just when I feel like I'm making progress I see so much more that still needs to be accomplished. But I'm reminded that He will complete the work. Someday I will be fully sanctified, fully glorified. But that is not right now.

He is gracious, though, abundantly so. I do not see all my sin right now nor do I need to. What I do see gives me plenty to practice my obedience on. He reveals what I need to know when I need to know it. His goal is not to condemn me but to transform me.

And because of the cross, there is hope! I do not have to be discouraged when I see my sin - it doesn't change my standing before the Lord. Rather, I ought to be encouraged that He is revealing it to me as sin and is gently (and sometimes not-so-gently) loosening my grip on all that my sinful heart holds dear.   Even my grief over my sin is evidence of his gracious work.

If He Comes, It Is Well

I've been reading through a collection of Samuel Rutherford's letters lately and have been blessed by his wisdom and perspective. One letter in particular has encouraged me greatly, and I thought I would share some of my favorite parts.

"We may indeed think, Cannot God bring us to heaven with ease and prosperity? Who doubteth but He can? But His infinite wisdom thinketh and decreeth the contrary; and though we cannot see a reason for it, yet he hath a most just reason...Nay, whether God come to His children with a rod or a crown, if He come Himself with it, it is well. Welcome, welcome Jesus, what way soever Thou come, if we can get a sight of Thee." - Samuel Rutherford

Amen! If He comes, it ought to indeed be well with our souls.

Don't Nullify the Grace of God

Many mornings when my alarm goes off early enough to allow me enough time to spend time in the Word before work, I groan, turn it off and sleep for another half hour. But each time that happens, I go through my day feeling guilty that I slept rather than woke up. And honestly if I do take the time to read and pray later, I usually do it to somehow maintain the Lord's favor - clearly if I chose sleep over Scripture then He must not be happy with me. And I struggle with this in so many areas of my life - I obey the law because, even though I know that I am saved, God is more pleased with me when I do those things.

In the weekly Bible study, we've been discussing the book of Galatians. It's been interested to dissect and consider the depth of Paul's argument for the gospel and most nights I have left feeling significantly more conviction than I anticipated. Last week we finished chapter 2:

19 For through the law I died to the law, so that I might live to God. 20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 21 I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose.

                                                                                                                                                   - Galatians 2:19-21

Did you catch that ending? "I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose." For so long I skipped over this verse - of course I'm not nullifying the grace of God - I fully believe that I am saved by the blood of Jesus alone. But then I realized that even though I do not nullify His grace in salvation, I often do in sanctification.

Because of Christ's completed, finished work on the cross, there is nothing I can do that will make God love me more and nothing I can do that will make Him love me less. And when I read my Bible so that God will be pleased with me, I nullify His grace. When I don't do something because it make God love me more, I nullify His grace. It's not that those things are bad! But I ought to read Scripture because I love the Word and, more than that, the God who gives the Word. I shouldn't do something that I believe is wrong - that is honoring to the Lord. But I should do it because of who I am in Jesus, because I am saved by His blood, and righteous before the Lord, not because it gives me special standing with God.

My friends, may we never nullify His grace in salvation. But may we also never nullify the grace of God in our living. We are hidden in Christ (Colossians 3:3). When God looks on our works, He sees not what we have done, but what Jesus has done. And there is nothing that we could ever add to that. Praise God!

Content to Sit at His Feet

(Sorry it's been a quiet week on the blog...I've been busy and haven't had a lot to say.)

When I read the story of Mary and Martha in Scripture, I've always sympathized with Martha. I love to move - I love to be busy, to be serving. I know what it feels like to think that you are the only one who is accomplishing what needs to be done while everyone else merely sits.

But I'd always thought that Martha's sin was found in the fact that her priorities were wrong. And certainly that was part of the issue. But this past week I've begun to wonder if maybe there wasn't something deeper going on, something that I have realized is a sin that is in my heart.

You see, I am not content to just sit at the feet of Jesus. I don't feel as if that is enough. I want people to see me moving and serving, going the extra mile. I want them to see  how much I love the Lord through the way that I live. And that isn't bad! It is good to display the abundant grace of God. But that is often not my motivation, to display the greatness and glory of what God has done. Rather, I want people to see me, to see how sanctified I am and how much I serve.

And that is why I am not content to sit and just be in His presence. Not solely because my priorities are wrong, but because it means I will be giving up an idol. When I sit at His feet, no one sees me. They see only Him. And my sinful, rebellious heart is not satisfied with that.

I have always struggled being alone. I begin to feel lonely so quickly. And though friends and people are a blessing from the Lord that is a good thing, when I feel dissatisfied being alone for even a few hours one night a week, that reveals sin. It reveals that Jesus is not enough for my heart. Sometimes, as silly as it is, I feel like if people who I like and respect are spending time together and I am not there, I am not as legitimate, loved or valued as everyone else. And that is often why I dread being alone - because no one sees me, because I find my worth in other people.

But then today as I was thinking through why I don't like spending time by myself, the Lord brought this story to mind, and reminded me of the sufficiency of Christ. To sit and learn from Him, I have to know who I am - a precious treasure of the Lord's, not because of who I am, but because of the all-surpassing greatness of the price that was paid for my life and salvation. It is a treasure in a jar of clay. I am hidden in the Lord Jesus - when the Father looks at me, He does not see what I have done, but what Christ has done. I will never be more or less loved by God. My identity is secure in Jesus Christ.

I want to be like Mary, able and desiring to sit at the feet of my Savior - she knew what the best thing was, and it did not matter who was looking or who was not. I don't know whether Mary and Martha felt these things...but what I do know is that the Lord gently reminded me today through their story that He is enough. I do not need to prove myself to other people or to Him through the way I serve or love; I do not need to always be with people in order to be assured that I am valued and loved. He is sufficient for those things - Christ is sufficient for me. He is the one who makes me worthy by His infinite worth. Praise Him.

Sanctification

J. C. Ryle's descriptions of what sanctification is and is not have convicted me greatly many times. What I often consider progress is really no progress at all. Praise God that the victory is certain!

Sanctification Is Not:

1. Talk about religion. “People hear so much of Gospel truth that they contract an unholy familiarity with its words and phrases, and sometimes talk so fluently about its doctrines that you might think them true Christians. … [But] the tongue is not the only member that Christ bids us give to his service.”

2. Temporary religious feelings. “Reaction, after false religious excitement, is a most deadly disease of soul. When the devil is only temporarily cast out of a man in the heat of a revival, and by and by returns to his house, the last state becomes worse than the first.”

3. Outward formalism and external devoutness. “In many cases, this external religiousness is made a substitute for inward holiness; and I am quite certain that it falls utterly short of sanctification of heart!”

4. Retirement from our place in life or renunciation of social duties. “It is not the man who hides himself in a cave, but the man who glorifies God as master or servant, parent or child, in the family and in the street, in business and in trade, who is the Scriptural type of a sanctified man.”

5. Occasional performance of right actions. “[Sanctification] is not like a pump, which only sends forth water when worked upon from without, but like a perpetual fountain, from which a stream is ever flowing spontaneously and naturally.”

Sanctification Is:
1. Habitual respect to God’s law and habitual effort to live in obedience to it as the rule of life. “The same Holy Spirit who convinces the believer of sin by the law, and leads him to Christ for justification, will always lead him to a spiritual use of the law, as a friendly guide, in the pursuit of sanctification.”

2. Habitual endeavour to do Christ’s will and to live by his practical precepts. “He who supposes [that Christ’s precepts as recorded in the Gospels] were spoken without the intention of promoting holiness, and that a Christian need not attend to them in his daily life, is really little better than a lunatic, and at any rate is a grossly ignorant person.”

3. Habitual desire to live up to the standard with St. Paul sets before the churches in his writings. “I defy anyone to read Paul’s writings carefully, without finding in them a large quantity of plain, practical directions about the Christian’s duty in every relation of life, and about our daily habits, temper and behavior to one another.”

4. Habitual attention to the active graces which our Lord so beautifully exemplified, and especially to the grace of charity (love). “A sanctified man will try to do good in the world, and to lessen the sorrow and increase the happiness of all around him. He will aim to be like his Master, full of kindness and love to everyone … by deeds and actions and self-denying work, according as he has opportunity.”

5. Habitual attention to the passive graces of Christianity (those graces which are especially shown in submission to the will of God, and in bearing and forbearing towards one another). “Of one thing I feel very sure—it is nonsense to pretend to sanctification unless we follow after the meekness, gentleness, patience and forgiveness of which the Bible makes so much. People who are habitually giving way to peevish and cross tempers in daily life, and are constantly sharp with their tongues, and disagreeable to all around them—spiteful people, vindictive people, revengeful people, malicious people—of whom, alas, the world is only too full!—all such know little, as they should know, about sanctification.

The Sum of a Million Little Things

"Holiness is the sum of a million little things — the avoidance of little evils and little foibles, the setting aside of little bits of worldliness and little acts of compromise, the putting to death of little inconsistencies and little indiscretions, the attention to little duties and little dealings, the hard work of little self-denials and little self-restraints, the cultivation of little benevolences and little forbearances. Are you trustworthy? Are you kind? Are you patient? Are you joyful? Do you love? These qualities, worked out in all the little things of life, determine whether you are blight or blessing to everyone around you, whether you are an ugly spiritual eyesore or growing up into a good-looking Christian." - Kevin DeYoung

More Sure

16 For we did not follow zcleverly devised amyths when we made known to you bthe power and ccoming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but dwe were eyewitnesses of his majesty.17 For when he received honor and glory from God the Father, and the voice was borne to him by the Majestic Glory, e“This is my beloved Son,9 with whom I am well pleased,”18 we ourselves heard this very voice borne from heaven, for we were with him on fthe holy mountain. 19 And gwe have the prophetic word more fully confirmed, to which you will do well to pay attention has to a lamp shining in a dark place, until ithe day jdawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. - 2 Peter 1:16-19

Sometimes I'm tempted to think that things might be easier if I lived when Jesus walked on the earth, when I could see Him and talk with Him. I think that it would be easier to trust Him if He was here. But this is not the truth. Peter begins in this passage by talking about how he had seen and walked with the Lord Jesus. He was an eyewitness of that to which he testified.

But rather than arguing that this is the best basis for knowing the truth about Christ, he continues: "we have the prophetic word more fully confirmed." Did you catch that? Peter's point is that, sure, he had seen and walked with Jesus, but what is found in Scripture is more confirmed than his eyewitness testimony! The foundation of Scripture and the Spirit that our faith is built upon is more fully confirmed, more sure than it would be if we merely lived when Jesus did.

Praise God for that. The foundation that He has provided for us is more certain anything that we could imagine. That is good news, indeed.

On Seasons

I love summer. Shorts, bare feet, ice cream, warm sun, swimming, picnics, warm evenings, beautiful blue skies...it's wonderful. And we are right in the middle of it, which makes it even better. But as much as I love summer, I'm so looking forward to fall. In fall, many dear friends return to San Diego for school. There are crisp mornings that make you want to curl up in a blanket, beautiful leaves (even here in East County, surprisingly enough), Thanksgiving, a time of refocusing and so much more. But then I love winter and spring just as much and am equally excited to look ahead to when I will enjoy them again.

As I sit here enjoying what looks like is going to turn into a summer thunderstorm, I'm excited for what is to come. I'm excited that things do not remain the same. For though there are beautiful blessings that are found in each season, there are also many things that I don't enjoy.  I love the reminder that though the season of life I am experiencing now is not always easy or fun, it will not be here forever - change is coming, often sooner than I anticipate.

I'm also reminded that since this season, both physical and personal, won't last forever, I need to be intentionally looking for and taking advantage of the blessings that are found in this season. They are good, and they will not always be here. 

So I love summer. And I'm not ready for it to be over quite yet. There are many things still to be enjoyed. And I know that the Lord is using the place where He has me right now or I would not be here. There are many blessings yet to be discovered and pursued. It is good and right. And it won't always be here. The more I realize that, the more I will begin to see the beauty of where the Lord has placed me. 

Practice, Practice, Practice

What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. - Philippians 4:9

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. - Philippians 1:6 

Sometimes I feel very discouraged with how much, or rather how little, sanctification is evident in my life. I feel like I have known Jesus for over a decade by now, and so there are some things that I should have mastered by now. But I haven't. I have had to work through trusting and resting in the Lord in every circumstance many times, and even though I see God's faithfulness so clearly each time, I still struggle to trust Him. I still struggle to love and forgive like Jesus has loved and forgiven me. And that is discouraging. Somehow, I feel like sanctification should just, you know, happen. But it doesn't.

Rather, Paul exhorts us in Philippians 4 to practice these things. When I was first beginning to learn to play piano, it would have been wonderful to just wake up and be able to play Beethoven and Chopin. But instead, it took countless hours of scales, exercises, studying theory and practicing simpler songs. It took intentional repetition and practice. It wasn't easy and it certainly wasn't always fun, but it worked. I saw the fruit of my practice.

What if I approached my walk with the Lord in the same way? What if I read the command to love my neighbor like I loved myself, and rather than becoming discouraged that I don't know how to do that like I would like to, I just began to intentionally practice loving? What if I began to intentionally practice patience and prayer and memorization and serving and so many other things that I struggle with? I think that here as well I would see the fruit of practice.

But more than that, I am thankful for Paul's assurance in Philippians 1 that the Lord will, without a doubt, bring to completion the work that He began. Though I have the privilege of participating, even that participation is by His grace and it is He who finishes the work. So as I feel discouraged with where I am, I'm reminded to practice, and when I fail, to try again. But most of all, I'm reminded to rest in the completed work of Jesus that guarantees my completed sanctification. How I long for that day!

Not What I Ought to Be

Such a precious reminder of the grace of God from John Newton. Oh, how my heart resonates with his assessment of himself!

"I am not what I ought to be — ah, how imperfect and deficient! I am not what I wish to be — I abhor what is evil, and I would cleave to what is good! I am not what I hope to be — soon, soon shall I put off mortality, and with mortality all sin and imperfection. Yet, though I am not what I ought to be, nor what I wish to be, nor what I hope to be, I can truly say, I am not what I once was; a slave to sin and Satan; and I can heartily join with the apostle, and acknowledge, 'By the grace of God I am what I am.'"

Truly, my hope is Jesus.