(Sorry it's been a quiet week on the blog...I've been busy and haven't had a lot to say.)
When I read the story of Mary and Martha in Scripture, I've always sympathized with Martha. I love to move - I love to be busy, to be serving. I know what it feels like to think that you are the only one who is accomplishing what needs to be done while everyone else merely sits.
But I'd always thought that Martha's sin was found in the fact that her priorities were wrong. And certainly that was part of the issue. But this past week I've begun to wonder if maybe there wasn't something deeper going on, something that I have realized is a sin that is in my heart.
You see, I am not content to just sit at the feet of Jesus. I don't feel as if that is enough. I want people to see me moving and serving, going the extra mile. I want them to see how much I love the Lord through the way that I live. And that isn't bad! It is good to display the abundant grace of God. But that is often not my motivation, to display the greatness and glory of what God has done. Rather, I want people to see me, to see how sanctified I am and how much I serve.
And that is why I am not content to sit and just be in His presence. Not solely because my priorities are wrong, but because it means I will be giving up an idol. When I sit at His feet, no one sees me. They see only Him. And my sinful, rebellious heart is not satisfied with that.
I have always struggled being alone. I begin to feel lonely so quickly. And though friends and people are a blessing from the Lord that is a good thing, when I feel dissatisfied being alone for even a few hours one night a week, that reveals sin. It reveals that Jesus is not enough for my heart. Sometimes, as silly as it is, I feel like if people who I like and respect are spending time together and I am not there, I am not as legitimate, loved or valued as everyone else. And that is often why I dread being alone - because no one sees me, because I find my worth in other people.
But then today as I was thinking through why I don't like spending time by myself, the Lord brought this story to mind, and reminded me of the sufficiency of Christ. To sit and learn from Him, I have to know who I am - a precious treasure of the Lord's, not because of who I am, but because of the all-surpassing greatness of the price that was paid for my life and salvation. It is a treasure in a jar of clay. I am hidden in the Lord Jesus - when the Father looks at me, He does not see what I have done, but what Christ has done. I will never be more or less loved by God. My identity is secure in Jesus Christ.
I want to be like Mary, able and desiring to sit at the feet of my Savior - she knew what the best thing was, and it did not matter who was looking or who was not. I don't know whether Mary and Martha felt these things...but what I do know is that the Lord gently reminded me today through their story that He is enough. I do not need to prove myself to other people or to Him through the way I serve or love; I do not need to always be with people in order to be assured that I am valued and loved. He is sufficient for those things - Christ is sufficient for me. He is the one who makes me worthy by His infinite worth. Praise Him.