This whole week I have just felt kind of out of it, for no real reason. It has been a good week but I just feel weighed down and burdened and, honestly, kind of cranky. There have been a lot of transitions that have happened in the past few months, between finishing school, coming home from Thailand, and starting a new job, and I'm facing a lot more as I look ahead. Change is not my favorite thing, however much I try and pretend that I like it, and it rarely makes my life simpler. But the longer I live, the more I'm realizing that life gets increasingly complicated as it goes on.
I like to know what to expect and to feel like I have some control over what is coming. But by God's grace He has gently been reminding me that, not only am I most definitely not in control, but I don't need to be because what is unknown to me is known by Him and is part of His good, perfect, sovereign plan. Change doesn't have to be hard and scary because He goes before me. I think that part of why I've been feeling burdened because I want to know and control things that He has not yet ordained for me to know.
But it's ruined a perfectly good week. Worrying doesn't change anything and it certainly doesn't make me feel any better. And so...I don't know. I know where true rest is found: the precious Lord Jesus, who has promised that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. And I know that stressing and worrying changes nothing. But what it looks like to live that knowledge is a different story.
I suppose the simplest commands in Scripture - to cast all your anxiety on the One who cares for you, to not be anxious in anything but to seek the Lord in prayer with thanksgiving - can also be the hardest to practice. And so the words of the hymn have become my quiet prayer:
"Lord, I would clasp Thy hand in mine
Nor ever murmur nor repine;
Content whatever lot I see
Since 'tis my God that leadeth me."